Wish I'd Told You
by GiveUpResistance
Summary: I was so scared. One second you were shouting at me for asking you out again, the next, you pressed a hand to your forehead, swayed and fell backwards down the stairs. And there was nothing I could do. Sister fic for I'll Say Yes, only Spain's perspective of past and present. AU Spain/Romano. Yaoi themes and references, don't like, don't read, as simple as that.


**This is the events and those preceding of my Spamano story I'll Say Yes, only from Spain's point of view. This was actually mostly written before I'll Say Yes.**

**I hope you guys enjoy it, and I'll Say Yes if you haven't read it yet :)**

**Also, I have a Tumblr now, which is giveupresistance because it's the easiest thing to use :) so feel free to follow me, I guess :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters.**

**Warning: Yaoi themes and sexual references**

_(If you're waiting for the next chap of Teacher's Pet, I have an explanation down the bottom.)_

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I was so scared. One second you were shouting at me for asking you out again, the next, you pressed a hand to your forehead, swayed and fell backwards down the stairs.

And there was nothing I could do.

You were lying at the bottom, still as a stone, your arm bent funny and your eyes closed.

I though it would be the worst day of my life, seeing you like that, skin too pale, my heart shuddering in my chest.

Francis said I almost tripped down as well, in my rush to get down to you, but all I can remember is pressing my hand to your cheek and crying when your eyelashes moved slightly.

I barely heard Francis behind me, calling an ambulance. Someone must have run to get your brother, as he leant over you with me and our tears dropped next to each other on your shirt.

I kissed your forehead, looked over at him, his eyes as scared as I knew mine were, and I saw his hands gripping desperately onto Ludwig's.

The men from the ambulance said that you hadn't hurt your neck, and you woke up, and said "Tomato bastard," and I almost laughed, because you were the same as always.

They said that only family members could travel with you, but Feli pulled me along after your stretcher, and you grabbed my hand just before you fell unconscious again.

I couldn't quite keep from crying on the way to the hospital.

They took you away then, and I paced while Feliciano curled up on a chair, moving only to let Ludwig hold him when he arrived with Gilbert and Francis.

They told me not to worry over you, but I couldn't help it. I know the paramedics said that you could have a concussion, but hadn't damaged anything major, that a broken wrist was one the least of some of the injuries you could have had.

Your parents arrived.

You were fine, apparently. A slight concussion. Your wrist was in a cast.

You glared at me and told me it was all my fault, but when I agreed you punched me and told me I was an idiot.

You have no idea how happy I was that you seemed okay.

You spent the next day at home, so I brought you flowers. You threw a shoe at me, but let me sit next to you on the bed. When I asked you to go out with me again, you hit me and accused me of taking advantage of you with a smile on your face.

When you came back to school we went the long way around everywhere, to avoid the stairs you'd fallen down.

All that week, people asked what happened, and they asked so many questions that you got pissed off and pulled me out of the lunchroom, demanding I take you away.

We went to one of the fields outside of town, and lay in the grass and flowers for a couple of hours. Your hand found mine, and when I looked over at you, you kissed me briefly and hid your face.

You finally let me kiss you, Lovino, that afternoon.

We weren't dating, and you wouldn't let me tell anybody, but we walked and made out in the field near our houses a lot. And the guys could tell anyway, as I was always 'staring like a fool' at you in class, apparently.

Your cast had come off a week before we went to Francis' house. You looked upset and worried, so I tried distracting you.

You kissed my neck, and we were touching each other, and we stayed in Francis' spare room.

In the morning you were sitting by the window and the sunlight fell across your face and lightly bronzed skin of your shoulders. You heard me as I got up and hid the paper you had been looking at, and I held you as you cried.

The next day you were in the hospital again, and I felt my heart breaking while doctor explained your condition.

If we hadn't... You wouldn't have been back there.

But you simply said my name and I couldn't leave you.

When you were discharged I tried to apologise, but you slapped me and told me that you wouldn't change what we did for the world.

I took you to church one day, and the congregation prayed for you. But you were uncomfortable, and I wished that I could tell them that I loved you, you weren't just my friend.

I don't know how your Dad found out what we did. I only got a worried called from Feli, saying that you had argued and you had driven away from the house.

It was like my heart stopped beating.

At that moment I heard the sirens wail past my house.

When I arrived at the hospital, you had been brought in a little while before.

You crashed your car into a tree on the way to my house. The doctors thought that you had probably blacked out with the stress you were feeling.

My fault. God, Lovino, all my fault.

They wouldn't let me see you until a family member arrived. Your brother got there first, and took me into your room. Physically, you were pretty much fine, a few scratches here and there. Except that you wouldn't wake up. I was even more scared than when you fell down the stairs, I hadn't thought it was possible at the time.

Your father arrived then, and screamed and yelled at me for hurting you, pushing me from the room.

I let him.

I stayed in the waiting room, letting the tears fall, coming each time I thought about you from before.

What if I never again saw you smiling as you stood in the rain?

When I was the reason you crashed.

Your dad came out eventually and glared at me still sitting there, but left without another word. Feli came out a minute later and pulled me inside, telling me I had ten minutes until everyone had to leave for the night.

You were so still. I found myself falling into the chair beside the bed. Why did it have to be you? I clutched your hand and kissed your knuckles, said any prayer I could remember before I had to leave.

The next day it was the same. I sat in the waiting room, trying to catch up on the sleep I missed the night before, worrying about you.

Your dad left earlier than before and I could sit with you for longer.

On the third day Feli dragged me into your room and glared at your father until he looked away without commenting on my presence. They sat either side of you, each holding one of your hands.

Your dad asked you for forgiveness, almost crying, and I had to look away. Next thing I knew he was saying how sorry he was for blaming me for this. I couldn't accept his apology, even when Feli hit me on the head.

Somehow the way your family was accepting me by your sickbed had me begin to cry again, and someone guided me over to sit beside you. Ludwig, Gilbert and Francis were there, and they tried to comfort me.

They said it wasn't my fault, but I don't see how it couldn't have been. I was the reason why you were so weak. I was the reason you fought with your father. Holding your hand gave me the strength to calm down. I kissed your nose, forehead, lips gently. I was still leant over you when you squeezed my hand. I don't know if you could hear me, but I said your name. Kissed you again.

I was pulled away from you earlier than I would have liked that night. Feliciano took me back to your house and gave me your backpack, the one you'd had with you in the car? The police had retrieved it, and Feli had found a letter to me in it. He left me alone in your room and I curled up in your bed, breathing your scent in while I read what you'd written just in case you got worse. It was what you were writing the morning after we made love, wasn't it.

I didn't stop crying. For hours.

It's about 11am now. Monday morning. It's been four days. I couldn't sleep earlier, so I got up and started writing this letter to you. A reply to yours.

I'm sitting beside your bed, and Feli's here too. I keep wondering if you can hear me, if you'll wake up.

I'm scared. Oh God, so fucking scared that you'll never wake up and I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there. All I've been able to think about is you, you smiling, angry, annoyed, grumpy, happy, the way you looked when I kissed you last.

Just so you know, Feli left and I made a fool of myself (as usual) to anybody listening by telling you about some of yesterday.

I wish you were able to do what you usually do when I'm an idiot and hit me over the head.

And how I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

And I don't kn

_"Antonio."_

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**Thanks for reading, and it would be awesome if you could review :)**

**To those who are waiting for the next chapter of Teacher's Pet, it is finished, and I'm working on the next bit, I'm just waiting for AdmiralAwesome's new chapter of Vargas Academy because we're going to start simultaneously updating. :) I'm looking forward to it, so hurry it up now :P **


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